I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
