i jhust puked up my retainher.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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