my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
