is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Randomize
