so that wasnt chicken after all
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
