New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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