God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
