My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
