You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
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