If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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