you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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