see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
