I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
