guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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