I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Randomize
