why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
