I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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