Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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