OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
