so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
