I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
