The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
