Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
time to smoke my breakfast
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
