The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
