we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
