it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
