dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
