Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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