Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
