I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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