Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
