i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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