I must be too annoying 4 u.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
