im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
