it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
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