I could have mohawked her pubes.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
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