and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
