He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
