just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
zippers are such a cool invention
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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