I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
