I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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