I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
