I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
