remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
