i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
