I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
