I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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