he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Randomize
