I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
