I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
