New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
