Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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